It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
