Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
