My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
