you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's rum buckets o'clock
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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