I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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