i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize