I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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