I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
