my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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