I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
