My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
