It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
