I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
