Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
