Kareoke will never be a sober sport
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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