Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
