Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think my moral compass just broke
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