So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
