Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
