hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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