Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
