Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
