hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
