It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
