...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
