Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
