I just cut my nipple shaving
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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