maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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