did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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