You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
