I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
