I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
