And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
