physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
