Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
