Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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