I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
