I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
