Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
