There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
