her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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