ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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