Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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