Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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