If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
