I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
