im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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