i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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