I just pynch a tree in the face
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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