Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
