my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize