Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
