my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
