I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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