Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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