i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
