Moan for me like Helen Keller
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
