Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
