I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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