nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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