I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize