Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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