i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
