Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
