After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
