Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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