I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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