singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
