I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
