We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
