I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
