I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
